Saturday, October 17, 2009

life's been sucks lately

There are reasons why I never updated my blog anymore. My life was kinda dull, it’s still dull now, and boring, and more like glum, and blue, than happy and colorful. I can’t write about my boring and dull days all the time because it frustated me. So I decided not to write. Then I just lost my passion to write. That’s how I neglected my blog.

Now here I am. Facing my laptop, typing. My life still, like I said, glum blue. And the only reason I start writing again is because I need a place to share. I used to use twitter instead of blog to share about my feelings. But twitter no longer holds the privacy I need. Many people are following you. And when I need a place to express my uncensored thoughts, twitter can’t be that place for me.

Well, many many many maaaaaaaaaany things had happened since the last time I posted my last blog. I can’t remember each thing, of course. But yes, all and all, I’m dead bored.

Every smile, every laugh, is never long-lasting. I went to campus, met my friends, watched movies, shop, bla bla bla. I did smiled and laughed but it only short-lasted. The smiles and laughs were unreal. When I went back to my room, I’d find myself miserable again.

It’s maybe because the things I truly want never happened. It sucks you know, when you want something but there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is beg to the dear mighty God to make our yearns come true. I feel so powerless. But that’s the way we, human being, are, aren’t we?

See what I meant? If I write in glum blue mood, my writing sucks. I always want to write about happy things but if there’s nothing truly happy happens how come I write about one? Or maybe I just have to be MUCH more grateful than I’ve ever been? Being grateful is hard. It’s a simple thing but it’s a very very very hard thing to do. Especially if you live in a hedonistic environment. You’ll always want more and more and more.

No matter how loud I scream to beg, how many tears I’ve cried, they didn’t come true. There’s nothing I can do but accepting.