no one

Hmmm. I think I’ve already told ya why I lost my passion to write. And you know what, my life has been even worse than the last time I wrote.

Have you ever been lonely? Alone? Yes, I am sure you all have. And that’s what happened to me. I am alone. I mean alone alone. There’s no one. NO ONE.

I’ll tell you how it happened.

I have these three incredible bestfriends. They were busy, preoccupied with their own businesses. No, I don’t blame them. Oh no, I don’t. When these three girls got busy, I used to have somebody else to be with so I don’t get lonely. Just my luck, all the people I know were busy. ALL OF THEM. At the very same time. I called anyone I know, I texted them, I instant messaging them but no one responded.

Can you imagine how that would feel? I don’t think I can describe it in words. I was lost. I was in my lowest point (I am still now). And no one came to help. I had screamed out for help but no one heard me.

Like I said, I don’t blame anyone. I think it’s my own fault. I’m weak. Too weak. I should’ve been stronger than this. But I can’t. I’ve tried but I failed. In fact, I am not that strong. I am just a weak, useless, pathetic shit. Yeah that’s me.

Now you see my point. I write shit when I feel like shit.

life's been sucks lately

There are reasons why I never updated my blog anymore. My life was kinda dull, it’s still dull now, and boring, and more like glum, and blue, than happy and colorful. I can’t write about my boring and dull days all the time because it frustated me. So I decided not to write. Then I just lost my passion to write. That’s how I neglected my blog.

Now here I am. Facing my laptop, typing. My life still, like I said, glum blue. And the only reason I start writing again is because I need a place to share. I used to use twitter instead of blog to share about my feelings. But twitter no longer holds the privacy I need. Many people are following you. And when I need a place to express my uncensored thoughts, twitter can’t be that place for me.

Well, many many many maaaaaaaaaany things had happened since the last time I posted my last blog. I can’t remember each thing, of course. But yes, all and all, I’m dead bored.

Every smile, every laugh, is never long-lasting. I went to campus, met my friends, watched movies, shop, bla bla bla. I did smiled and laughed but it only short-lasted. The smiles and laughs were unreal. When I went back to my room, I’d find myself miserable again.

It’s maybe because the things I truly want never happened. It sucks you know, when you want something but there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is beg to the dear mighty God to make our yearns come true. I feel so powerless. But that’s the way we, human being, are, aren’t we?

See what I meant? If I write in glum blue mood, my writing sucks. I always want to write about happy things but if there’s nothing truly happy happens how come I write about one? Or maybe I just have to be MUCH more grateful than I’ve ever been? Being grateful is hard. It’s a simple thing but it’s a very very very hard thing to do. Especially if you live in a hedonistic environment. You’ll always want more and more and more.

No matter how loud I scream to beg, how many tears I’ve cried, they didn’t come true. There’s nothing I can do but accepting.

busying:short holidays

Whoaaa..

I had just finished my exams last friday. It's sooooo damn relieving! *phew*

Do you know what it's like to only sleep 4 hours, most, a day? Well if you don't you'd better stay don't know. Hahaa.

I'm now having more spare time than the last two weeks. So I decide to change and improve my blog layout. I'm working on it. I really hope it will turn out, hmm, better than this plain-one.

And I'm having holidays , too! Yay! Hahahaaaa.. Life's great.

quick update: cute baby harlow and her hot dad!

i'd just joined twitter 2 days ago..hahaaa..i know i know..i'm so not up 2 date..but hey, i've joined anyway..

and these are my first four favorites tweets, the all four are from joel madden:

JoelMaddenWhy is it that i can't sleep. And i constantly have to go in and check on harlow when i can't sleep, but if i wake her up MOM will be Pissed

JoelMaddenSerioulsy sometimes i just wanna wake her up and hangout. She's my little best friend.But just like her mom she likes to sleep more than me

JoelMaddenI'm not the best dad, but i def put more effort into being dad then i ever have at anything else. Nothing is more important than my kids

JoelMaddenAnd for the record. I'm an alright dad. Its Nicole that is the super MOM. She does all the hard stuff, and makes me look good. 100% Goodnite


Wow, joel. you're hot. you're a dad. and those tweets officially made you a hot-super-dad. it's good to see a superstar-rocker-dad like you still spare times for your kid.

and fyi, it's joel's twitter profile pic



Awwwww.... isn't it sweet? and baby harlow winter kate madden you're so super super cute, sugar!

Really wish I'll have someone like joel madden eventually!

No Offense, Please!

Pengguna facebook udah tambah banyak. Penggunanya juga dari berbagai kalangan. Dari anak sekolahan, mahasiswa, sampe bapak-bapak ibu-ibu juga ikutan make facebook. Biar awet muda kali yah. Hehe. Setauku, di facebook itu harus pake real name. Tetapi entah kenapa sekarang orang-orang banyak yang pake fake name. And for me, it’s just so alay.

Misalnya: Iben Ajahh, Dinda Kiyut Abiss, Sinta Loverz, PrinCz Cantique, daaaaaan lain-lain. Eww. Memaaaang siih, itu hak tiap orang. Kurang kerjaan amat yah kesannya kalo aku ikutan ngurusin id facebook orang lain. But it’s bothering me. Kadang-kadang sangat mengganggu ngebaca nama-nama itu di friend list. Tapi apa susahnya siiih pake nama aslii? Ya ampun.

Mungkin bagi sebagian orang, memakai fake name di facebook itu lucu, cool abis keliatannya. Gila lo, nama gue modifan men. Nama asli mah udah ga jaman. Gitu kali ya. Tapi tapi tapiiiiiii, buatku itu so alay. Using fake name on social networking is so last year. Itu jamannya masih pake friendster. Bukannya aku bilang friendster udah ga jaman atau apa, aku masih suka ngecek account friendsterku. Dan aku pake fake name di friendster. Ohh, sudahlah.

Oh iya. Ada satu lagi yang menggangguku kalau lagi mainan facebook. Modified word spelling. Nulis “yang” jadi “iank”. “sibuk” jadi “cbug”. “saya” jadi “saiah”. Terus juga penulisan huruf yang berganti-ganti small caps-caps. yA amPuN. Men. Aku tak tahan.

Tapiiii, emang bukan urusanku sih sebenarnya. Terserah juga orang mau gimana mengeja tiap kata yang dia mau. Cuman masalah beda selera aja kan. Mungkin menurut sebagian besar orang modified word spelling lebih gaul dan lebih kiyut aja. Kurang kerjaan banget deh gw ngurusin cara orang lain ngetik. Hahahaa.

Please, no offense. I just wanna share what’s in my mind. Salam love, peace, and gaul.

Do You Like Fairytales? I do Like 'Em!

Pernah denger cerita Beauty and The Beast nggak? Atau mungkin Cinderella? Sleeping Beauty? Tarzan? I’m sure most of you would say yes.

But if I ask you this: suka sama kisah Beauty and The Beast nggak? Atau Cinderella? Sleeping Beauty? Tarzan? Jawabannya pasti macem-macem. Bisa suka, biasa aja, nggak suka.

I always like fairytales, usually Disney’s. Soalnya yang suka bikin film berdasarkan dongeng ya Disney itu. Cerita-ceritanya menyenangkan, dan aku paling suka film yang bikin orang jadi hepi sehabis kelar nonton.

Tapi banyak yang bilang film fairytales itu nggak bagus. Shallow. Naïve. Tidak mendidik. Fairytales are always about a hot beautiful princess met her prince charming and they ended up with true love kiss and a prefect happily ever after. A movie should tells us about real life that is oftenly hard, or bitter. Begitu kira-kira kata banyak orang.

But I’m not fully agree.

Life is hard, it is. Tapi justru karena itu aku suka nonton film-film tersebut. That movies make me see everything simply. Aku jadi lebih semangat. Seolah-olah dengan nyanyi-nyanyi sama tupai dan kelinci semuanya akan jadi baik-baik saja. Dengan rajin membersihkan rumah dan patuh pada ibu tiri yang jahat mungkin nantinya akan bisa ketemu pangeran tampan.

Banyak orang bilang kalau fairytales itu cengeng. Cinderella ga mau usaha buat lepas dari kungkungan ibu tirinya. Pangeran-pangeran di dongeng juga jatuh cinta gara-gara wajah para putri itu cantik-cantik. Mana mungkin pangeran-pangeran itu mau kalo Belle jerawatan. Atau gendut. Atau sakit cacar. Dan banyak lagi komentar-komentar “tidak suka” lainnya.

But, I think, that is so not the point. Buatku, inti dari semua fairytales itu adalah untuk see everything positively. Untuk kita tidak menenung orang lain supaya kalau jari orang tersebut tertusuk jarum pemintal dia akan tertidur selamanya. Biar kita tidak memberikan apel beracun pada orang yang kita benci. Blah blah blah. Pangeran yang digambarkan ganteng banget atau putri yang cantik dan punya banyak gaun indah itu hanya pemanis, tambahan detail.

People who don’t like fairytales maybe think of that details too much. Kebetulan aku bukan pemikir, jadi aku suka-suka aja sama fairytales.

Tapi mungkin semua tergantung selera film masing-masing orang juga. Mungkin ada orang yang nggak bisa nonton Beauty and The Beast tanpa muntah di tempat. Ada juga orang yang paling hobi nonton film horor. Atau bahkan mungkin ada orang yang suka dengan ending film yang menggantung (misal kalo di film thriller semua tokohnya mati terbunuh dan pembunuhnya masih berkeliaran bebas). Yah, setiap orang kan beda-beda.

But I do like fairytales. Hehehee.

1. Beauty and The Best

Ini film kartun Disney favoritku. Aku suka karakter Beast-nya yang galak-culun-baik hati. And Belle saw it through his monstrous appearance. Aku sekarang juga lagi suka banget ngedengerin Something There, ost-nya.

2. Mulan

Yang ini favorit kedua. Shang is so hot with his sixpack stomach all over the movie. Haha. Ini film yang emansipatif. Like it.

3. Tarzan

Hmmm, yang ini bukan favorit ketiga kok. Ngacak aja. Favoritku cuman dua diatas. Lainnya aku suka semua. Tarzan itu bercerita tentang Tarzan yang merasa tidak diterima. Like he doesn’t belong in there. Kemudian Tarzan ketemu Jane yang sama-sama manusia dan jatuh cinta and finally found where he belongs to. Nice.

4. Lion King

Kalo Lion King menurutku ceritanya keluarga banget. Simbanya ganteng. Seingatku aku nangis pas pertama kali nonton Lion King. Hehee.

5. Cinderella

Ini kayanya film Disney yang pertama kali aku tonton. Aku suka di bagian Cinderella-nya tetap ceria walaupun terpaksa tidur di loteng dan jadi maid di rumahnya sendiri.

6. Little Mermaid

Aku agak kesel sama pangeran yang disini. How come he didn’t realize that the mute girl is the one who saved him? Fool. Aku suka sama Sebastian dan Flounder. Mereka setia banget ngejagain Ariel sampe akhir.

7. Sleeping Beauty

Menurutku ini karakter princess yang paling cantik. With golden colored hair and red rose lip. Rambutnya ikal panjang keemasan, matanya lancip. Wiihh. Prince Phillip juga kul abis. Hahaha.

8. Snow White

Ini yang paling aku agak nggak suka. Mungkin karena ini kartun Disney klasik yang pertama kali yah, jadi gambarnya yang paling simple agak kurang bagus, hehe. Udah mana pangerannya cuman muncul awal-awal sama akhir-akhir doang buat nyium si Snow White. Lah, gampang bener yah. Begitu muncul lagi langsung nyium. Hahahaa.

9. Aladdin

Aku lupa judul lengkapnya, soalnya cuman nonton sekali. Aku paling suka sama Rajah, macan peliharaannya Jasmine, ganteng. Aku juga suka sama karpet terbangnya, sama si monyet Abu, juga sama Genie.

Kayanya ada film Disney lain yang aku suka. Tapi aku lupa.

Selaen film-film Disney diatas, aku juga suka film animasi-animasi jaman sekarang, baik keluaran Disney atau keluaran PH lain. Misalnya Ice Age, Monser Inc, Shrek, Toy Story, de el el. Aku juga suka banget nonton film anak-anak kaya Home Alone 3, George of The Jungle, Air Bud, de el el.

Well mungkin dari sini udah ketauan. I AM shallow. I AM naïve. I just like movies with happing ending in it.

Roller Coaster Mood

Lately my mood has been like a roller coaster. It’s going up and down randomly. It’s like I’m having PMS or something. Right know, I can be laughing blissfully and crying out automatically ten minutes later.

I think it’s because I had so many things on my mind. I’m thinking about many things, simultaneously. I’m thingking about my mom, my dad, my sister, my other sister, my grandma, my aunt, my exam, my money, my assignments, my future, my friends, and then I’m thinking about mom again, dad, blah blah blah.

They stuck up on my head like bees. They sting my head frequently, makes me feel dizzy.

Well, I lost my appetite, too.

Why do things turn out to be so hard when we grow older? Everything seems complicated.

And even ditching class is a big deal for me now.

I miss my family. So much. It’s really really killing me.

For girls, usually their whole world is centred on boys, their lover. But for me, it’s centred on my mom. I could have a very great mood, but that mood would be crashed immediately as I called her, heard her voice, and figured out that she’s sad about anything. Or I could have a broken mood, and then I called her and knew that she’s fine and happy, my mood would rise instantly.

I love her with my whole life. And I miss her so bad.

Aku iri

I envy the ones whose families and themselves have been waking up in the morning, prefectly healthy.

I envy the ones whose families are around, all complete.

I envy the ones who have small fortune.

I envy the ones who had met their “the one”.

Is it wrong? To envy?

I AM very very grateful for the things I’ve had, seen, and felt.

But WHY it’s always not enough? Am I greedy?

I always want more. And more. And more.

I want someone. Not only for me. But also for my sister. She’s so frail, fragile, vulnerable. She needs someone. She needs it much more than I do. I am stronger, strong enough to live this hard life all by myself. I hope.

I’ve lived my life. I’d give her arm and leg. If I have to.

I’d give her my one. If I have to.

But I’m not a saint. I wanna have an happily ever after. And I want that for my whole family, too. Would You?Please.

Lamunan Dini Hari

Late at night. I'm still awake. Hmmm. Actually my body is very stiff. I’d been doing my paper from 10pm to 1am. Mata juga udah mulai kiyip-kiyip.

But I still wanna post something on my blog. I wanna write about the five places I wanna visit before I die. And they are:

1. Jeju Island

Bagi yang doyan nonton drama korea pasti udah familiar banget sama pulau satu ini. Seriiiiiiiiiiing banget disebut-sebut plus sekalian dijadiin lokasi syuting. Berdasarkan pemandangan di drama-drama series tersebut sih, kayanya Pulau Jeju itu indaaaaaaaaaaaaahh bangett. Hope it’ll be my honeymoon spot someday! Amiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Aminnya harus kenceng nih, biar kedengeran sama yang diatas. Heheheeee.

2. Vancouver, Canada

Beda sama Pulau Jeju yang lebih ke arah wisata pantai, Vancouver itu lebih ke arah gunung bersalju. Brrrr. Pengen deh bisa jalan-jalan ke hutan pinus evergreen yang ketutup salju. Sambil agak doa-doa supaya bisa nggak sengaja ketemu Edward Cullen.

3. Pattaya Beach, Thailand

Nah ini pantai yang konon katanya baguuuuus bangeett. Liat review-nya ditivi sama majalah bikin ngiler. Lautnya jernih dan kayanya pasirnya lembut, jadi pengen guling-guling. Tapi setauku Thailand akhir-akhir ini sering dilanda masalah politik yah? Jadi kayanya turis yang disana jadi ikutan repot. Hmmmm.

4. Ka’bah

Nah kalo yang ini pengennya bisa pergi sekeluarga. Maunya aku yang nraktir mama papa adek kakak buat ibadah kesana. Hahahhahaaaa. Yaahh, amin aja deeeeehh.

5. My Own Home Sweet Home

Where I'll be living happily ever after. Amiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.

Okay. It’s early morning now. I’ve really got to sleep. I’m so not ditching my class tomorrow. Well, I hope everything’s gonna be just fine.

Tough Week

It had been a tough week.

Dua hari berturut-turut lembur. Hari ketiga tepar.

It's weekend now. I wanna have a little fun!

Yeaahhh.

masak memasak

I'm home!!

As usual, my daily activities at home is nothing. Yeahh. I do nothing. Like sleeping all the time and eating sometimes.

But yesterday I made a breakthrough. Wow. Sounds great isn't it? Well, I cooked yesterday. Tried to cook at least. I made pancakes.

My first step was browsing for the recipes on the internet. Then I got one simple recipe. I bought the ingredients. Eggs, baking powder, milk, blah blah blah. Aku memutuskan untuk membuat setengah porsi dari resep asli soalnya resiko gagalnya gede banget, kan sayang buang-buang bahan makanan. Di resep, seharusnya tepungnya sebanyak 2 cups. Nah kan, aku mulai bingung. Cupnya segede apa nih? Cup kopi apa teh apa bra? Huuumm. Akhirnya aku make cup kopi mama.

ingredients

Ehh.. Begitu dituang ke mangkok, ternyata 1 cup itu uda hampir setengah mangkok. Yah, gapapa dah. I added egg and milk. Tapi apa yang terjadi? Adonannya encer abis. Mati aku. Yaudah, tepungnya ditambah dehh. Brarti gulanya ditambah juga dong? Baking powdernya juga? Sebanyak apa nih nambahnya? And then I got more confused. Akhirnya aku memutuskan buat pake ilmu legendaris yang udah turun temurun, yaitu ilmu kira-kira. Gulanya kira-kira ditambah dua sendok deh. Tepungnya dituang seperempat bungkus lagi dehh. Demikian seterusnya. Kira-kira.

Lalu tiba saat menggoreng. Tuang 3 sendok diatas penggorengan. Adonannya mulai berasep. Muncul gelembung-gelembung lucu dipermukaannya. Tunggu semenit dua menit. Dibalik ahh. Dan begitu dibalik, ternyata itu pantat pancake udah item. Ternyata api kompornya kegedean. Oops. Yah, sekali salah gapapa dong.

my very first own made pancake

Dimana-mana bentuk pancake bunder, bukan? But mine was special. Bentuknya tidak bunder mulus, tapi lebih artistik dengan sentuhan messy look dipinggirannya.

pancake ala picasso. artistik.

Kelar ngegoreng adonan, tiba waktunya icip-icip. Boleh percaya boleh nggak, rasa pancake-ku lumayan. Emang sih, ga bisa dibilang enak, tapi masih mirip rasa makanan manusia. Rasanya kaya pancake. Nice work.

Ternyata aku berbakat masak. Hehehe.

somebody's me

It’s drizzling outside. Romantis abis. Haha.

Akhir-akhir ini my puppy pet sering muncul di facebook, entah meng-update status atau apa. Well, biasanya kalau aku sering ngebaca status seseorang, lama-lama akan ngerasa lebih “tau”, lebih intim, tentang orang itu. But this, is different.

Semakin sering ngeliat malah terasa semakin fiksi. Semakin tidak nyata. Like he’s only my imagination. Buatku, that puppy pet malah jauh lebih tidak nyata dari The Beast di Beauty and The Beast. All those memories, reminiscence, are fading away. Seolah-olah semuanya benar-benar cuma imajinasiku.

Maybe that’s why I was so happy to be in contact with his girl. So I can convince myself that all those memories was true, a fact of life.

It’s not only pathetic, but also not healthy.

Questions, will never figure them out

A face, will always linger in my mind

Eyes, too clear to stare

Distance, will never taper off

Memories, will always be recalled joyfully

Longing, will never be achieved

Tears, I couldn’t cry

They will haunting me. Everywhere. Everytime.

A Little Review RASA and Angels and Demons

Kemarin aku nonton Rasa, filmnya abang Christian Sugiono, bertiga dita sama inka. I wanted to watch that movie since Christian put a poster of that movie on his official blog. Dari awal ngeliat poster filmnya aku mulai curiga. Genre film ini apa? Ceritanya kaya gimana? I’d been wondering. I’d browsing for the synopsis, too, but I got nothing. Sampai detik terakhir sebelum aku nonton Rasa, I still believed that I was about to watch a drama movie or something like that. Dan begitu filmnya dimulai, aku mulai curiga, kayanya Rasa itu genre-nya horor deh. Great. Like I’d be able to watch such movie. I was still trying to keep think positive. Nggak mungkin ini film horor, pasti cuman awalnya aja yang dark and gloomy. Bentar lagi pasti mulai cerah ceria. That’s what I was trying to say to myself.

Tapi apa mau dikata. Maksud hati memeluk gunung, tapi tangan tak sampai. Backsoundnya mulai heboh dan ngagetin. Mulai muncul penampakan-penampakan yang tidak diinginkan. I just couldn’t help it. Aku mulai tutup telinga tutup mata. And that was what I did for almost the whole duration.







Inti ceritanya sih tentang Rianti (Pevita Pierce) yang punya kemampuan untuk melihat suatu penglihatan tentang hal yang akan terjadi dan melukiskannya di atas kanvas. Anak profesor Anthony yang bernama Mariah diculik dan Rianti melihat dan melukisnya. Begitu tahu tentang kemampuan Rianti, Anthony meminta bantuan Rianti untuk mencari anaknya.

Nah lo, pasti bingung mikirin “Loh terus Christian Sugiononya manaaaa?”. Aku juga sebenernya kurang paham apa fungsi dari karakter Wisnu yang diperankan sama Christian Sugiono. Which is yang di poster filmnya foto Christian Sugiono gede banget, mendominasi. Tapi ternyata itu cuman tipuan. Menurutku karakter Wisnu itu cuman kaya tambahan doang. Pemanis. Penarik penonton. Wisnu di film cuma berperan mendorong dan menguatkan si Rianti yang emang digambarkan suram, lemah, dan fragile. Udah mana entah kenapa akting abang Christian dimataku masih keliatan kaku. Banget. Aktingnya sama aja kaya di Dunia Mereka waktu dia masih baru-baru muncul. Too bad.

Tapi untungya aku nonton bareng dita. Everything’s got much funnier. Dialog-dialog Christian sama Pevita yang menurutku agak sinetron, jadi terasa so silly kalau didengerin dengan dita disebelahku. Kita bolak-balik cekikikan ngedengerin kata-kata cinta Wisnu buat Rianti.
Rianti : itu bukan cinta, Wisnu! Itu kasihan. Kamu kasihan sama aku!
Wisnu : bukan, Ri. Itu bukan kasihan. Itu kasih.
Kita berdua kompak langsung cekikikan heboh. Kalo aja kita nggak inget kalo lagi nonton di bioskop, kita pasti udah ketawa ngakak.

Ada satu scene yang bikin kita ketawa ngakak tanpa bisa ditahan. Yaitu scene dimana Rianti Cartwright muncul tiba-tiba sebagai cameo. Itu scene bego abis. Hahahhahaaa.

Sedangkan inka, yang emang dari awal udah males-malesan, sepanjang film jadi maki-maki mulu. Well, since kita emang ga maksa inka nonton, I don’t feel sorry for her, hehheee. No offense kaa. It’s a risk she’s got to take. Emang resiko kan kalo mau nonton film, kita bakalan suka sama filmnya atau kita bakalan nyesel. Aku emang beneran menyesal. Tapi bukan karena terlanjur bayar tiket, tapi menyesal kenapa filmnya Christian harus kaya begitu. I am not sorry for the ticket I paid. Soalnya pasti aku bakalan penasaran kalau sampe nggak nonton.

Well, that’s it for the review I think.

Dua hari kemarin kayanya merupakan hari sushi deh. I had sushi in two days in a row. Hari Sabtu makan sushi di Sushi Tei GM, hari Minggu ditraktir dela makan sushi di Sushi Tei TP. Hmmm. Nice.

Tujuan utama makan di TP sebenarnya buat foto di Onix. And we’re so freaking pretty. Haha.






Oh iyaaaa. Hari Sabtunya aku juga abis nonton Angels and Demons. Yah, emang filmnya keren. Malah mungkin bagi kebanyakan orang keren banget. But that movie is just so not my type. Genrenya aja udah thriller. Jadi susah buatku buat suka sama Angels and Demons. But, yes, over all the movie is great.





Plotnya rumit tapi masih bisa diikuti bahkan tanpa membaca atau menonton film sebelumnya, The Da Vinci Code. Film diawali dengan pembunuhan seorang peneliti di sebuah laboratorium. Profesor Langdon dipanggil untuk membantu menyelesaikan kasus sementara penculikan calon Paus baru dan ancaman bom datang. Pretty interesting, isn’t it?

well, not for me. heheheee...

Looking forward for monday..

I really envy her. He's so adorable. And prefect. And so gorgeus. And gentle.

*sigh*

Postingan yang Randomer

Surabaya is chilling! Wow. Sebenarnya buatku nggak dingin-dingin amat. Sejuk. Hmmm. Nice. I feel like I’m in Forks. Hahahaa. I wish. Abisan biasanya Surabaya itu bagai Kenya yang menyamar jadi Surabaya. Panasnya amit-amit. Terus sekarang tiba-tiba, ada angin ada ujan, Surabaya jadi dingin. Actually, it’s a bit weird. It’s in the middle of May. It’s supposed to be dry season. Yah, sebenernya mungkin nggak aneh sih. The weathers all over the world has been weird lately. It’s because of global warming, of course. Which reminds me of Knowing. Urgh.

Okay next subject, please!

I watched Wolverine last week. Which is not bad. Not bad at all, actually. For me, the whole movie is cool. The plot is interesting. The fighting scene is awesome. The actors and actreeses were great. But the prominent thing is the Wolverine himself. I mean Hugh Jackman is wow. He’s so sexy. His biseps, his back, his chest, his six-pack stomach, is prefect. Again, wow. Tapi sayangnya Wolverine kurang meninggalkan kesan mendalam di diri, di aku maksudnya. Plotnya emang menarik. Tapi kurang berkesan. Sebenarnya emotional conflict-nya juga ada. Tapi ya itu tadi. Kurang nendang, hahahaa. So it doesn’t make me wanna watch it all over again and again, like Twilight, for instance. Or Bourne Supremacy. Or Beauty and The Beast.

Yumm.

Oh. One thing. I’ve got the tickets to Jember! Hahahaa. Sweet.

Got to go. Mau mandi terus langsung ke kampus. *sigh*

Tulisan Random

Dudidaam didaam..

Huuumm.. lately, surabaya lagi sering ujan.. dan tiap kali ujan, ujannya agak-agak heboh gitu. And of course, the side effect of it is banyak orang yang jadi sakit. Contoh paling gampang yaitu inka. Inka mah ga usah musim ujan juga udah hobi sakit siih.

Anywaay... Yah, oke aku ngaku deeh. Sebenernya seharusnya sekarang aku harus belajar farmako sama konservasi. But I have sooooo many things distract me. Great. Like I need more distraction than before. Adaaaa aja gangguan dan godaan yang muncul. Yang paling menggoda yaitu my blackberry. My hands just reach it over automatically, like every five minutes. I just can’t help it. Terus juga ada the twilight saga. Bentar-bentar “baca twilight bentaar aaaaahh” and then it ended up with I read two chapters at least.

Gimana yah caranya biar keep focus?? It’s just getting harder to concentrate on study.

Bakalan ada long weekend lagi next week. I’m considering to go home. I haven’t decided anything yet. But I think going home is a quite well plan.

Another good news: aku udah mulai bisa makan sushi. My first acceptable sushi: baked salmon maki. Thanks to inka. Heheee. Now I’m yearning some more baked salmon maki. Padahal seharusnya hemat. Urgh.

Surabaya lagi dingin nih. Enak. Tapi jadi sering kebelet pipis dah. Heeemm. Sejuk gitu deh. I always like rain. Oke ralat, I always like gerimis. Kalo ujannya terlalu gede aku takut ah. Takut petir kilat, takut mati lampu, takut bocor, takut becek. Paling enak kalo lagi ujan tu kita lagi dirumah ato paling nggak dikamar kosan deh. Pintu kosan dibuka dikit jadi angin dinginnya masuk. Terus tiduran sambil dengerin musik sambil baca buku. Hmmm.

Atau ujan pas lagi dimobil. I like that, too. Ngeliat tetesan ujan di kaca mobil asik juga. Lampu-lampu mobil sama lampu jalan yang a bit blurry gara-gara ujan, memantul di aspal yang basah kena air ujan. It’s so beautiful. Asal jangan ngelewatin jalanan banjir terus mobilnya mogok terus terpaksa kita naek getek. Well that’s not cool.

Duuhh. Seharusnya mulai belajar lagi ni. But i’m so not in the mood. Kata dita si mood belajar tuh harus dipaksain. Tapi ga segampang itu ternyata. Kalo dipaksain belajar, malah ga masuk. Huuuhh.


Aku lagi pengen baca banyak hal.
1. The complete twilight saga. Yang bahasa inggris
2. kungfu boy
3. Jurnal buat BO
Itu aja ding. Ga banyak ternyata. Hehe.

Pengen punya modem nih. Enaknya kalo ga perlu ke warnet buat upload postingan blog baru. Bisa download lagu kapan aja. Bisa nyari apa aja. Maen facebook kapan aja. Ya ampun. Semakin banyak distraction dong.

Oh iyaaa. Kemaren abis nonton the other boleyn girl. A great movie I think. It shows us, how women are always repressed. Sovereignty always belongs to the men. It’s all the same. I’m so grateful aku tidak lahir pada jaman pra emansipasi. Anne Boleyn is a very bright woman. She’s great at diplomacy and seducing the king. Sayangnya Anne Boleyn terlalu terobsesi dengan King Henry VIII dan kedudukan. Too bad.

Anne Boleyn yang asli.


Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn in The Other Boleyn Girl. Lumayan mirip.

Dohh. Bosen abiiss. Sometimes I wanna go crazy all night long. Having fun. Yahh semisal ajeb-ajeb. Tapi kayanya bakalan susah terwujud. Aku sendiri ga terlalu yakin apa aku emang bener-bener pengen pergi ajeb-ajeb.

Haaaaahhh. Apa mandi aja ya sekarang? Mandi, nggak, mandi, nggak, mandi, nggak, mandi, nggak. Pilihan kegiatannya ga ada yang asik nih. Kalo ga mandi, belajar. Ha ha. Ya udah deh. Mandi aja apa? Eh, tapi abis mandi biasanya malah ngantuk. Hadoohh. Bingung. Apa nonton dvd? No freaking way. Ga boleh. Ya udaah deeh. Mandi ajaa. Huhuuuh.

so numb

Okay. I’m in the middle of my mid test. I still got two days left, but I’m jaded already. It’s like those mid tests’ve sucked all of my energy and left me nothing. I’ve been gloomy all the time. Oh God. I don’t even know what I really want right now.


I miss my mom. Soooooooo mucchhhh that it’s killing me. But at the same time it hurts me so bad to see her saying goodbye at the station. For now, I don’t wanna go home. But things force me to go home.


Oh. One more thing that makes me miserable. I envy usi and titi kamal. They have someone. And they’re absolutely certain as the sun that their someone is really “the one”. Great. Where’s my very own christian sugiono???


Kalo lagi kaya gini, jadi pengen punya pacar. I think I need someone to distract me from thinking horrible things. I think I need someone to hold my hand and strengthen me. I think I need someone who looks at me right in the eyes and says that everything’s gonna be just fine. I think I need someone who will always be there and save me when I fall down. And most of all, I think I need someone who lightens me up.


I said “I think I need”, didn’t I? Well, I think I don’t really want someone. Like I said, I don’t know what I want. I’ve lost my direction. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to go. I attend the lectures, I hang out with my friend, I laugh with my friend, I watch movies, I go here and there. But I feel nothing. I feel numb. Guess I’ve lost my passion as well. I feel like a robot doing its routine activities.


What’s going on with me?

I’m a pathetic moron bitch

I’ve been a stupid since loong time ago. But since yesterday, I’m a bitch too.

I had a responsibility. I only had to keep something safe. But what did I do? I lost the thing. It’s a simple job and I failed it. I’m an actual moron.

I have a friend, a close friend. I always adore her. But what did I do? I dated her ex, whom she still loves. What was I thinking?? She’s my friend, for God’s sake! I think it’s about the fucking "jablai" thing. I never supposed that I’m that bitchy "jablai" apparently.

I’m sooo pathetic. Dating her ex makes me even worse. For all this time, I’ve been okay with my single status. I didn’t ask for a man in a desperate way. Sometimes maybe I want a boyfriend, but if I don’t have one then it’s okay with me.
But yesterday, I remember how it feels having a boyfriend. Ada orang dengan ukuran badan yang jauh lebih besar ada disampingmu. Ada suara berat yang mengobrol dan tertawa denganmu. Ada orang yang akan memaksamu menghabiskan makananmu, tapi kemudian malah memakan makanan itu sambil tertawa. Ada sesuatu yang membuatmu gelisah saat tanpa sengaja menyentuh kulitnya. Ada orang yang akan menunjukkan arah yang benar kalau kau tersesat. Ada yang akan mencegahmu bertabrakan dengan orang lain atau menjagamu saat menyeberangi jalan. I remember how safe you can be with a man beside you.

I shouldn’t do this. This is wrong. So wrong. But I can’t help enjoying it. I think that’s why we call it guilty plesure.

being shallow

Oh my God. Have you ever met someone who never had a self-actualization?? I’ll tell you how it feels. It’s totally annoying.

It’s like you’d never been appreciated when you was in wherever you came from. And when you reached this whereabouts, your head turned so BIG, like you’re the it girl. Well, you’re NOT obviously.

It’s so ridiculous hearing you blow your own horn, like you’d done such really classy job while you HADN’T.

I’t’s like you’ve never been reputed beautiful, sophisticated, dazzling, or fabulous. It’s like you’ve been invisible all the time, and now suddenly when people starts recognizing you, please note, just recognizing you, and then you start thinking that you’re some kind of miss universe.

Maybe you think that I’m jealous. Not even close. I’m so fed up with all of your glory of your “actualization”. All that actualization you have right now, I had it like since centuries ago. And I even never mentioned it. Well, a.k.a: BIASA AJA KALEEE.

Okay. I got to be calmed down. Haha. Every now and then you show-off, I’ll just ketawa pake idung. Hahaha.

No no no. I’m just being a stupid petty. I mean, what’s wrong with being a non self-actualization? Memangnya kenapa kalau belum mencapai aktualisasi diri? Memangnya kenapa kalau merasa bangga dengan diri sendiri? Aku tidak boleh berpikiran picik dan dangkal. Tidak ada salahnya punya teman yang bisa bangga dengan dirinya sendiri. I’m just being shallow. Duuhh-uh.

Yay! My digesting system is back on track!

Pernah mengalami penyakit susah boker ga? Atau jarang boker? Well, I had lately. Dan itu rasanya sangat tidak nyaman. Ga sakit sih, tapi ga enak juga. Gejalanya antara lain:

1. susah kentut
2. perut kembung
3. perut membuncit (euuhh...)

Logically, kalau kita jarang boker seharusnya perut juga tidak bakalan cepet laper dong? Nah, the problem is I was almost always hungry. Makan porsi tumpeng, tapi beberapa jam kemudian udah laper lagi. Terus juga, walaupun udah makan kaya kuli, perut penuhnya minta ampun, tapi tetep ga bisa boker. Biarpun udah ngejogrok di WC sejam, buat mancing boker, hasilnya nihil men. Kalaupun berhasil boker, tapi pasti dikiiiiiiiiit banget! Minum vegeta, nggak begitu berpengaruh. Sekali boker, udah. Abis itu macet lagi. Tapi semenjak aku puasa minggu lalu, my digesting system is eventually getting normal. Tiap pagi mulai rutin buang sampah pencernaan. It’s sooooo relieving to have your body working normally. Heeeemmm, kalau pinjem istilah dela “seperti terlahir kembali!”. Dahsyat.

Duh, seharusnya sekarang aku mengerjakan tugas kuliah yang udah mulai numpuk. But I’m so not in the mood. Kaya sekarang misalnya, malah ngeblog.

I should be:

1. berhenti tidur saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

2. berhenti maen game saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

3. berhenti online saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

4. berhenti nonton dvd saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

5. berhenti ngegosip ga penting sama inka saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

6. berhenti ngeblog saat seharusnya sedang mengerjakan tugas

See? Life is tough. Hidupku begitu penuh godaan duniawi.

I’m wondering now. Long weekend minggu ini ngapain ya? Pengennya sih:

1. outbond rame-rame
2. Maen paint ball
3. bersepeda di hutan
4. maen ke pantai
5. nonton ello
6. berenang (aka maen air because I can’t swim. Haha.)
7. rafting (this is the very last choice aja. Takut tenggelam, terus ditangkep buaya atau komodo)

Yah, minimal ga muluk-muluk lah, I yearn spending this long weekend with my bffs above all.

Oia, beberapa hari lalu ketemu lelaki tampan. And he’s definitely out of my reach. Great. My life does tough.

Tiny Little Me

Hey, how big do you think you are?

Maybe you’re tall, you’re large, you have everything you want, you’re just simply prefect. But I felt tiny.

It’s raining now, heavily. And now I’m having this thunderbolt backsound. And it got me thinking.

Have you ever imagined how big the world is? We’re, the human being, only the invisible spot on it. So powerless, feeble, and frequently, helpless.

Only in one Lord’s finger snap, everything may change. My life had been changed lately. Worse. And harder.

If Lord wants anything, I mean anything, to happen, well, what can we do to stop it? Nothing, really.

I’ll be willingly use up all of my energy for my family, my whole family. Recently, I barely think about anything else but my family. I also have a dream. My dream is I wanna see my family smile so widely, which I scarcely saw it these days, forever. Or i.e. happily ever after. And I want it so bad to be true. But there’s hardly something I can do to bring it into reality. I’ve been living in hope of Lord’s compassion to bring it into reality.

I’m so scared. The world seems extremely too big for me. Especially without my family around.

Oh, ya ampun. Aku baru sadar, aku lebih sering mengeluh, bersedih, bermuram durja di blog. My blog is deadly gloomy. Maybe I’m in the middle of dark life phase. Well, I think I am.

Dear God, please help me through this phase. I beg You.

Focus!

I’ve been attending the lecture for 2 days now. But it feels like a whole week already. Okay, stop. I won’t complain anymore. I hope.

It’s only the beginning. I don’t have any assignment, yet. Because like I said, it’s only the beginning. So I still have some spare time to spend.

There’s something I’m about to confess. Well, here it is. I think I’m an absolute daydreamer. And it bothers me, especially when I was attending the lecture.

A case in point: I was listening to the lecturer, while he said “dokter gigi jaman sekarang harus mampu mengembangkan kemampuan di bidang wirausaha, mengikuti perkembangan teknologi, seperti internet…” and then I started daydreaming ”oh iya ah, tar mau online ke ophie ah. Sekalian nge-upload blog sama download lagu-lagu baru! Lagu apa yaa… oh iya, lagunya elbow kemaren belom semuanya didownload, mau nyari lagunya jay chou juga deh…” Obviously I missed the following sentence from the lecturer. When I realized that my mind is clearly somewhere else but the lecture hall, “eh, apa tadi? Kok tiba-tiba si dosen ngomongin tanaman obat sih? Haduuuuuhh…”

Contoh laen: “kalian harus belajar menjadi entrepreneur, harus kreatif, inovatif, dapat mengkonsumsi informasi dari …” Then it happened again, “aduh, iya nih laper. Tar lagi makan apa ya. Pingin bu etik nih. Saus, kecap, sama sambelnya dibanyakin ah, heeemmm, slurp slurp! Eh, baidewei enterblablabla tadi artinya apa ya?” Duhh.

Bisa juga kaya begini: dosen as usual lagi ngoceh di depan, terus tiba-tiba inka sama dela mulai bisik-bisik seru ngegosip sendiri, “eh ka, mas novan gimana?”, dan inka menjawab, “au tu del. Masa ya mas novan itu …” Akhirnya malah lebih konsen dengerin inka dela bisik-bisik daripada dengerin dosen. Haduh haduh.

It happens all the time. I’d assembled a great amount of elbow greese to keep focusing on the lecture. Apparently, I drew a blank.

Enough is enough. I’ve gotta work on it harder. Keep focus.

pouting and moping

Haaaaaaahh. All I can do is sigh. All I can do is hold out. All I can do is keep thinking that I only have to spend 3,5 more years or 42 more months or 1278 more days in this blistering city.

O my God. I just make it seems worse.

Tomorrow I’ll begin my…life. I think. Oh God, could You just hand me the remote? Pleeeeeaase…. So I can skip those horrible days.

Oh. Come on! Stop pouting and moping! Chin up!

Haaaaaahh.

I arrived at surabaya this morning. Once I entered my room, I realized that my room was smelled like moss. Ugh. It made me feel even worse, it made me missing my cozy room at home. Awww.

Like it didn’t bad enough, I still had the scent of my home sweet home and especially my mom’s scent, right under my nose.

I miss you already mom. Aku juga kangen maen-maen sama keponakanku yang hiperaktif. Ngobrol-ngobrol bodoh.

Keponakan : na, kenapa si cat itu warna-warni? Asalnya dari mana si, na?

Aku : Hum? Dari pelangi.

Keponakan : (manggut-manggut)

Keponakan : na, kenapa power ranger putih kok senjatanya pake kipas si, na?

Aku : berarti power ranger-nya itu penari.

Keponakan : (manggut-manggut). Terus kenapa orang tua rambutnya putih?

Aku : soalnya suka dibikin pusing sama anaknya.

Keponakan : berarti na suka bikin pusing oma dong!

Aku : ....

Never mind.

You know what, I’ve just been thinking. I’ll be 20 in a month. It means I’m getting older, obviously. My point is, I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to be a grown-up. I mean, I still wanna being pampered by my mom. I still wanna sleep in her warm arms every night.

I used to think that grown-up means being independent, married and settling down with my own family, having a couple of cute babies, bla bla bla. It’s a simple thing. But I hadn’t mull over the main point. Grown-up also means that I have to live separately from my mom. Duh-uh.

No. I can’t do that. Yet.

Tick tock tick tock

It’s like that ticking sound haunting me, everywhere, everytime. I think I had a screw loose.

I don’t wanna counting down. But that’s what’s happening right now. And I just can’t make it stop ticking.

I felt like I’d hit the fast forward button. Everything’s doubled speed. Take a deep breath, stupid.

I’ve just watched tv one chanel. It’s a talk show and Siti Fadillah Supari was there. That talk show was talking about healthy issue in Indonesia. I always adore her. She’s so brilliant, assertive, credible, and of course, elegant. That talk show took my mind off. Temporary.

But as long as it’s only an temporary effect, I started whimpering again.

It’s so much easier when I was still in high school. All these grown-up things smack me like a wrecking ball. I don’t know if I can keep up. I can’t see nothing but my dark, indistinct, and looming future.

I wanna pause everything. Or maybe skip everything right until I graduate from that horrible school. Oh. I really wish I have the remote.

Or maybe let’s just forget that impossible remote. All I want right now are:

My mom,

More time,

More money,

That’s not as much for me to ask, is it? Hufff… Another sigh I guess.

I’m going to go to Surabaya tonight, midnight train. For administration thing. I think I’ll just start whimpering again.

my babies and me

well,here we go, my babies and me..
























actually i've had these books since january 27th..

I’m a chicken. And I hate my life.

My holiday is until 2^nd march, actually it’s long enough for most people. Well, but not for me.

Something’s frightening me now. In fact, I never tought about that thing before, but since dita mentioned it, I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. And it starts freaking me out.

I’ll begin my 4^th term soon after my holiday’s over. Dita said,” Well, this is it. We’ll start the hardest time in our college, clinic class.” It’s a simple sentence. It should means nothing to me. Out of my luck, it meant big thing to me.

It makes me don’t wanna end my holiday, I want my holiday lasts forever. Okay, I know. I’m a chicken, a pathetic one. But what can I do? Nothing, really.

I have to face it. Whether I’m ready or not. Ooh my. For now, I hate my life.

stupid lists

Oh man..

Ternyata having holiday di rumah tanpa mobil itu ekuivalen dengan membusuk. I truly really have nothing to do here. Sekarang kerjaanku di rumah adalah bangun tidur-mandi-bantuin mama masak-bersihin rumah-bantuin adek belajar-menyiram bunga di halaman-menjahit-menyulam. Translation: bangun-makan-tidur-ngegangguin kucing tetangga-tidur lagi-makan lagi-dst.

Berhubung aku terisolasi dirumah, kegiatan yang paling bisa aku lakukan is watching tv, local channel. It’s more entertaining, yeahh, you know why.

Ini sembari ngetik, I’m watching Indosiar which is relaying a sinetron. Tontonan wajib di rumah. And oh-ya-ampun itu sinetron is so free—eak. Ada bayi yang punya mata ketiga dijidatnya. Ada juga cewek yang pergi ke pasar naek unicorn/flying horse/kuda terbang,whatever. Like it doesn’t weird enough, there’s another sinetron which uses arabic in its dialog. Originally arabic. Bukan cuma ane-ente doang, tapi bener-bener bahasa arab, berkalimat-kalimat. Dan yang jadi pemeran utama sinetron itu titi kamal, ya ampun. Pasti fee-nya gede banget. Kalo ga mana mau titi kamal ngapalin dialog pake bahasa arab? Mending dangdutan kemana-mana dah.

Ehem.

I found my diary when I was in high school. And well, that diary is so-high-school. I can’t believe I could be so absurd. I made some lists in that diary, stupid lists, example: a list of movies I like, yeaah, things like that. Contoh ni yaa..(uncensored)

Kisah2 Favoritku Sepanjang Masa…

1. Full House (hmm.. acceptable..)
2. Titanic (very accetable, I think..)
3. Eiffel… I’m in Love (Ehem.. selera masa muda)
4. Fairish
5. De Buron
6. Haiii..Miiko! (Whooops..sampe sekarang juga masi demen!)
7. Inuyasha
8. Beauty and The Beast (my naive side taking control..)
9. Mulan
10. Spiderman 2
11. Throbbing Tonight
12. Initial D
13. Dae Janggeum
14. Con Air
15. The New Police Story

Note: Oia, walaopun ada angka urutannya, tapi itu bukan berarti aku paling suka full house atau paling ga suka police story, itu urutan nontonnya. Jadi aku nonton full house duluan, police story terakhir.

I have other list in that diary:

Boys Who Can Melt Me Down…

1. Michael Moscovitz from Princess Diary
2. Tappei Eguchi from Hai..Miiko!
3. Lee Young Jae from Full House
4. Inuyasha
5. Marcel Chandrawinata (ehehee..gotchme!)
6. Adit from Eiffel I’m in Love (yeah yeahh, I know. Still trying to boost up my taste here)
7. Shoubu from Heart (ooohhh… if you’ve seen this delicious dude…)
8. Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi (W-O-W)
9. Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy
10. Keanu Reeves
11. Jesse McCartney (huum, I’m not really into him anymore)
12. Vino G. Bastian (well, he’s pretty irresistable)
13. Jo In Sung
14. Takumi Fujiwara from Intial D
15. Marc Blucas
16. Warren Peace from Sky High
17. Dimas Beck (Dimas Beck?? The putus nyambung boy??O my God, did I relly write him on my list???)
18. Min Jung Ho from Dae Janggeum
19. Raeshard
20. Gelombang (nana wrote this one, but I was actually into him, he’s cute anyway)
21. Egi John (you know, that sinetron boy)

Note: Idem. This list neither means I loved Michael Moscovits most nor Egi John least. I just loved every single boy in this list.

That was my list. WAS. And I think I wannna make another one. Berhubung pengetahuan tentang cowok-cowok ganteng lokalku lagi hot-hotnya (thanks to our local channels), I wanna make this list:

Lelaki-lelaki Sluuuurpie on My Mind Rite Now are…

1. Christian Sugiono!!! Ya ampuuuuuun….He’s so adorable…
2. Edward Cullen (why he’s at number 2? Becos he made a very big huge hole in my heart, and it’s still bleeding)
3. Fernando Torres (yummy…)
4. Tommy Kurniawan (hehe, ini gara-gara sinetron Hareem, haha norak berat gua)
5. Gustavo Chena (ahahaa, ini gara-gara nonton bola sama papa)
6. Andhika Gumilang (cowok yang di iklan x-mild, “ekspresinya manaaaaaa???”)
7. Andrew Andreas (the guy in axe’s commercial, Asmirandah flattered him)

Hooooohh. Writing about those mesmerising guys makes me drooling all over the table. Got to clean up! Ciao.

at home!!

Whooooooooooooops…

I’m home I’m home I’m home…!!!

















I was jaded, and it’s a good thing to have your mom around when you’re out of shape.

I arrived in Jember at 2.30 am, and I set off for Malang the next ten hours. Mama ngajakin pergi jalan-jalan sekeluarga, minus papa, ke Taman Safari II slash Prigen. Geez, mom, I’m like 19 now, I don’t wanna see lion counting their fur. But I tagged along anyway.

Actually, it had been a lovely day, you know, spending time with the big family, even if my favourite cousins didn’t come with us. We had the custom tour…

Wow… I never know that tigers can be so damn gorgeous!

stupid ebook

Well, I’m at dela’s rite now, having this traditional sleepover, since we never have it like since ten decades ago. They have to study because they’ll have a sort of remed tomorrow, while I’m not (thank God).

And now, I’m authentically in a good mood, very curious, but still, have this stupid whole in my heart. I just can’t ditch it awaaayy. I don’t know what to do and I even do not know why. Uggh.

But but but, as I said, I’m in a good shape rite now, I don’t wanna ruin it.

Okaaay. I think it’s time for a little confession now. Huumm. You know what, I think it’s a bad idea having the copy of breaking dawn ebook. I’ll NEVER EVERRR could hold that out. I’m definitely gonna read that foolish ebook, just as I was fooling around in my tiny little room. Bisa-bisanya aku berpikir kalo aku bakalan tahan tidak membaca bahkan mengintip isi ebook bodoh itu. Haha. Like I don’t know myself.

But it doesn’t matter now. I just can’t put that away. Aku nggak bakalan tahan digantungin sama Edward, there’s NO WAY I can stop reading that shit now. Another reason why I can’t put that thing away is becos it started HAPPILY, VEEERRYY HAPPILY, more than I thought, impossible for me to resist and now it’s like my heart’s bulging with complacence. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.

Okaay. My laptop is running its battery down. Edward, Bella, Bella’s baby/Jacob’s imprint, tunggu akuuuuuu!!!

january 17th 20009- burned butt

Ouuuhh…

My butt is burning..

I’ve been sitting for like two hours, and it burns my butt..

But it’s okay, I don’t mind. Becoz I’m sitting in front of an online computer,hahaa.

I wrote that my mood was pretty good yesterday, but it’s getting worst as the time goes by..

Well, I think I know why..

Did you ever feel want something sooooooo muucccchhh but you know, exactly, that you wont EVER have it?

I’m feeling it now..

Yeaahhh.. I’m tormented by that feeling, lately..

And it hurt me soooo bad..

Ouch.

Baideweii..

Kemaren aku, dita, dela, inka, dede, sista, razak maen ke coban rondo. It’s a waterfall. I’s beautiful. It’s very verrryy cold, even for me, the penguin. And it hurt me.

I never imagine how big the impact for me. But yes, it’s big, huge, whatever. Yeah.

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrghhh…..

Why it’s happening to me??

Could You just pick someone else??pleaaaaseeeee???

Oke oke…

Enough complaining.. gosh, my butt’s still burning. Ups. Does that mean I’m complaining again? well, sorry..

Haduuuhh.. Ga sabar nunggu tanggal 31 dah. Breaking Dawn. Hope it will fix my heart. I really hope. Oke, aku ngaku deh, I really really reaaaaally hope it will fix my heart.

I feel so pathetic. And hopeless. Aaawwwww…