Saturday, April 4, 2009

I’m a pathetic moron bitch

I’ve been a stupid since loong time ago. But since yesterday, I’m a bitch too.

I had a responsibility. I only had to keep something safe. But what did I do? I lost the thing. It’s a simple job and I failed it. I’m an actual moron.

I have a friend, a close friend. I always adore her. But what did I do? I dated her ex, whom she still loves. What was I thinking?? She’s my friend, for God’s sake! I think it’s about the fucking "jablai" thing. I never supposed that I’m that bitchy "jablai" apparently.

I’m sooo pathetic. Dating her ex makes me even worse. For all this time, I’ve been okay with my single status. I didn’t ask for a man in a desperate way. Sometimes maybe I want a boyfriend, but if I don’t have one then it’s okay with me.
But yesterday, I remember how it feels having a boyfriend. Ada orang dengan ukuran badan yang jauh lebih besar ada disampingmu. Ada suara berat yang mengobrol dan tertawa denganmu. Ada orang yang akan memaksamu menghabiskan makananmu, tapi kemudian malah memakan makanan itu sambil tertawa. Ada sesuatu yang membuatmu gelisah saat tanpa sengaja menyentuh kulitnya. Ada orang yang akan menunjukkan arah yang benar kalau kau tersesat. Ada yang akan mencegahmu bertabrakan dengan orang lain atau menjagamu saat menyeberangi jalan. I remember how safe you can be with a man beside you.

I shouldn’t do this. This is wrong. So wrong. But I can’t help enjoying it. I think that’s why we call it guilty plesure.

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