so numb

Okay. I’m in the middle of my mid test. I still got two days left, but I’m jaded already. It’s like those mid tests’ve sucked all of my energy and left me nothing. I’ve been gloomy all the time. Oh God. I don’t even know what I really want right now.


I miss my mom. Soooooooo mucchhhh that it’s killing me. But at the same time it hurts me so bad to see her saying goodbye at the station. For now, I don’t wanna go home. But things force me to go home.


Oh. One more thing that makes me miserable. I envy usi and titi kamal. They have someone. And they’re absolutely certain as the sun that their someone is really “the one”. Great. Where’s my very own christian sugiono???


Kalo lagi kaya gini, jadi pengen punya pacar. I think I need someone to distract me from thinking horrible things. I think I need someone to hold my hand and strengthen me. I think I need someone who looks at me right in the eyes and says that everything’s gonna be just fine. I think I need someone who will always be there and save me when I fall down. And most of all, I think I need someone who lightens me up.


I said “I think I need”, didn’t I? Well, I think I don’t really want someone. Like I said, I don’t know what I want. I’ve lost my direction. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to go. I attend the lectures, I hang out with my friend, I laugh with my friend, I watch movies, I go here and there. But I feel nothing. I feel numb. Guess I’ve lost my passion as well. I feel like a robot doing its routine activities.


What’s going on with me?